Wednesday, May 07, 2008
Cameron left me All ALONE
Cameron headed to Colorado at 5 am this morning. He will return next Wednesday. Normally this would be a sort of welcome change to our daily life, but it's Mother's Day!! And gifts are my main "love language". And he didn't really take care of that before he left. I will say, in his defense, that he DID ask me if I cared if he went (I hate hate hate that question) because he didn't "want to be selfish and leave me high and dry", and I told him I didn't care (because then I would be the selfish one...), but I didn't think he would actually choose to go. So, I am alone. For a week. And I have no church home to go to. I am not going to go to some new strange church all by myself with my three kids on Mother's Day. I just can't do that. So, I guess instead of being honoroed on that day, I am going to be immersed in the reasons I get to celebrate that day. Which isn't a bad thing at all. However (long and drawn out when you read it), Mother's Day has always been very hard for me. I am not sure if it is because it is close to Chloe's birthday (next Sunday), or if it is because the child that made me a mom the first time is no longer here. So, typically, I cry all day at the very smallest mention of the word Mom. And when I am like that, I don't really want to be around anyone other than my immediate family. Because it makes me vulnerable I suppose. And I look awful when I cry. And I feel stupid. She has been in Heaven for 6 1/2 years. She would have been 7 on the 18th...wow. But anyway, that is where I am. Sad. A little mad. And a lot alone.
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10 comments:
I am so sorry to hear that you will be alone. You can always pack up and come see us. I have spent many birthdays and anniversaries alone. It seems like Cory is always at a sporting event during those times. I love ya girl and will be thinking about ya. Our door is always open!
Wish I could give you a big *HUG*.
*HUGS*
Here's *knowing* that God will bless you and your girls in a special way!!!
Aw, I hope you have a very happy Mother's Day in spite of all you are feeling right now. You have been blessed with 4 beautiful girls and you are a GREAT Mom!!
I am going to be home all weekend! I can run by and distract you...even keep the girls if you want to be alone or you can come out to Mom's and the Uncle Cowboy's! We can have dinner on Saturday at least. I love and miss you guys! :)
I do very much hope that you will have a happy mother's day despite all the poohy stuff. I don't think I could have half the strength you do. I am endlessly impressed by you and am so glad we found each other again through blogs.
I was thrilled to see so many new posts as I had all but given up on you! And then to see one about my silly story! Thanks! I hope I can see you next weekend if we have a girl's night...I'll post details.
And sorry for the ridiculously long comment. :)
Oh Steph, I'm sure this IS a hard time for you. I can not imagine!! You have to be THE strongest person I know, though. Seriously!! I'm sorry that you're alone this week. But, you know what? You are not alone!! You have FOUR beautiful girls to spend it with you!! Lucky you!!
At least you have those girls to spend Mother's Day with. They make your "Mother's Day"!!
Steph, Abilene is waiting for y'all ANYTIME!! Hint, hint. We love you, Steph!!
Don't make me cry too. I'm so sorry to hear that. Your little one who's in heaven is having a blast with her Lord and Savior! I know she would not want you to feel so sad, but I know it must still hurt so much. Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I'm still here and I still read your blog. I've been very lazy about posting comments though, since they take up so much time once I get around to reading all of my favorite blog sites. So, even though I'm not really commenting anymore, I'm still visiting. Happy Mother's Day to you. At, least you are spending that day with the little treasure who made you a mom.
hey ... sorry you are alone! sounds like God has given you a chance to appreciate mommy hood in a new way. I, too, will experience it ... alone ... all alone ... w/out my girls. come see us ...
Praying for you Stephanie...and I love your mother's day bracelet...the very best kind of gifts to receive.
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