Most people who read this know that yesterday was the birthday of our firstborn, Chloe. She died when she was 4 months old, 8 years ago. I want to thank you for the prayers. There were moments when I felt them...other moments, not so much...
The day typically just sucks. I wake up thinking about what I was doing 8 years ago. How she looked, how excited we were. And I just start to wonder, all over again, WHY? Why the first child? Why me? And I have to remind myself that He has a bigger plan. That people have come to know Him because of her. That she helped to further His kingdom, just like we are supposed to. That, chance are, I wouldn't have the other three if she were still here. And this is where it gets tricky. In my mind, I feel like if I sit and cry all day, I am choosing her over them. But, on the other hand, if I ignore her birthday, I am forgetting her. So, there is a nice mixture. lol We bake a cake and sing. We buy balloons and "send them to Heaven" for her to play with. My girls all know about her. They all talk about her. They thank God for her birthday. And I have to be like that. I AM so thankful I had her for 4 months. Her life changed mine. And He promises me that ALL things will be beautiful in its time. Y'all, she is beautiful. Her death is beautiful. Someday I will understand, but for now, I choose to be content with it. I choose to be proud of what she accomplished!
2 comments:
There is nothing I can say to make you feel better. Maybe its just knowing that people are thinking of you and Cameron. Just know we are praying for you.
Another year has past and I can't believe it has been 8 years! She did change peoples lives including ours. She was "our little girl" and thank you for sharing her with us every opportunity you had. She grabbed at our heart strings and we are blessed to have known her.
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