Ten

I'm not looking for a pity party, but I can't let this day pass without mentioning that it was today, ten years ago, that I held my Chloe for the very last time.  Every year, without any forethought on the matter, my eyes open and will not go back to sleep at the same time they did that last day.  At 6:15 this morning, I didn't remember.  I was frustrated that I was awake, but there wasn't anything I could do about it.  So, I got up and went to make myself some coffee when I saw it.  It was a note from Cam.  You see, he left before 6 this morning to go to work, but he took the time to write me a note telling me he was sorry his day was so busy and that he couldn't just sit with me.  I lost it.  I just started crying right there in the middle of the kitchen.  I'm not sure if the tears were because I didn't remember when my eyes popped open this morning--because I don't want to forget;  I don't want it to hurt and I don't want to dwell on the loss, but I want to remember everything about her, even the end--Or if those tears were because I felt it.  I felt the hole open back up.