Monday, January 17, 2011
The Past Needs to Stay There!
I spent some time last night reading old blog posts of mine. Not only did I used to post a LOT more, I shared so much more of my "self" than I do now. I think if I am real with you, some of you may laugh at me. That scares me. I know my life is different from a lot of people. I know I have different convictions than other people. I am just scared to show you how different, but I will attempt to change that, even though the thought of it kind of makes me feel like I am gonna pee my pants from nerves. But really, more than that little revelation, reading about the past put me in a bit of a funk as I fell asleep. I quickly began to miss the old things. I missed the ease of not homeschooling and having time to clean and cook and shop. I missed the husband that had time to take me out and play video games. I missed my Mama. In a great big way. I missed the materialism that seemed to radiate out of my words (and this is not good, mind you. I also felt shame.). I just missed the former things. I think maybe the reasons behind some of that is because the future is such a mystery, but it is also because I am a sinner! I want stuff. Not that the wanting is bad. Unless it takes the place where Jesus belongs...and I am starting to realize that those wants are taking a place in between me and Jesus. I want those things more than I want to serve Him. I would rather have a big pretty house and money in the bank and nice car than to live in a country across the ocean from all that, even though I know I that that is what He wants me to do. I really hate that this is me. I hate that something so stupid and worthless takes that place where Jesus should be. There will be changes. I will change. It may hurt, and it may not be fun, but I KNOW without a doubt that it will be worth it. I want to see through His eyes and feel what He feels. I want to love like He loves, and I want my whole mind to be centered on Him. So I am choosing to embrace the unknown! I am choosing to love today and not want yesterday or worry about tomorrow! Pray I still feel this way tomorrow... :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
This is my verse I'm currently memorizing:
"For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)
I thought it was quite fitting for you. I think we all struggle with being *in* this world but not *of* this world.
Personally - - I want to know the real you. Don't hold back. Just be you!!!
Hugs & Prayers!
OK, I've written out several comments and then deleted them. You don't need my "exposition" on your blog post! Just know, I am there with you and I totally get the struggle, because I have it too. "I'd rather have Jesus than anything this world affords today."
No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
I think your post just shows how strong you are. To be able to admit you have those feelings is great. You know what they say, the first step to conquering a problem, is admitting you have one. Not that you really have a problem, you are being human.
Jesus LOVES you! Thank's for the transparency. In the last session of the Bible Study that Jake and I are doing, we talked a lot about that transparency, and how if we (as Christians) would be like that everyday, not only would we do a better job of lifting and encouraging each other, but that truth of our relationship with Christ would draw others to his light.
Thank you for the encouragement today!
Post a Comment