I thought I mentioned it...

I REALLY thought I told you all of our decision to not move. But Shawna *yelled* at me and told me that I didn't. Sorry guys. With life uncertain right now, we decided that the best thing for us to do is stay where we are, because if we had to, we could sell this house very quickly. And we aren't sure how fast we could sell one in Water Valley. So, we are staying here.

Cameron is still planning on joining the world of real estate full time. Pray for us. That is a hard hard field, and this is a difficult time of year. However, I KNOW that God is bigger than the slump and He can provide listings and closings. And I also know that Cameron is a dedicated and hard worker. He isn't bothered by working for a long time with no return. He will wait for the sale without getting frustrated...I, on the other hand, am a little more uptight than he is. So I have to learn to support and encourage him more and worry less. I am also exploring the possibilty of work outside the home. I am not sure what I would do with my girls, so that is my big obstacle right now. I just really feel like I should be the one to raise them, not a day care or some other friend or relative. So, I really don't think I will explore long...I am also really thinking about finishing that dumb degree. I have about 3 semesters left (2 practicums, student teaching, and 3 other classes). I may be able to fit it into 2 semesters. Depends on those practicums... But, again, that requires me being away from my kids. And I am not sure if I would ever use it even if I did have it. Not to mention the $7000 it will take to finish. But it sure would be nice to have that option right now...

I told Cameron that I think we should sell the house and one vehicle, then buy a RV and stay in some campgound. hehehehe. That would eliminate all debt, and he would only have to worry about small living expenses. What a relief that would be!! He wasn't really all for it, and all the pessimistic people around me tell me that I couldn't live in such a confined space. But I say that life without having much of a financial worry would be FANTASTIC. We live in Texas where the climate is favorable 300 days out of the year. We can play outside. Eat outside. Have school outside. So, that is what I choose. And I am being serious. I would much prefer that than worry. I could just focus on raising my girls and loving my Jesus and my dear dear husband.

Funnies

Gracie is learning to read. Whenever she comes to a word that ends in -ps, such as tips, she only hears the sounds "psssss", so she screams "PISS" just as proud as she can be. Last week, I calmly told her to sound the WHOLE word out. Yesterday, I just couldn't help it. I burst out laughing. Hard. So, now it is a game, and she is the funniest little girl in the universe. Every word spells piss. hehehehe She WILL learn to read. Someday.

I slept in yesterday with Gracie and Ellie. Well, until 8:30 anyway. Faith had been up since about 7:15 watching cartoons in the living room. Or so I thought. I got up at her urging, and when I went to the living room, I passed two chairs strategically placed near things that were off limits. Like my purse. And the kitchen (which is gated). When I made it to the couch, I saw a dozen gum wrappers empty on the floor. Seriously. A dozen. I had just purchased the pack of gum for those moments when the children need some little something to make them behave for one more minute. I asked Faith where all the gum was. And she replied with the cutest little grin, "in my tummy!". Ughhhhhhhh

My proud moment...When we say "let's pray" before eating, Ellie clasps her little chubby hands together and waits for us to pray. It is so sweet! Well, both Gracie and Faith wanted to pray, so Faith started, and when she said Amen, Ellie grabbed some food to eat. But when Gracie started praying, Ellie dropped her food and re-clasped her hands. I wanted to cry. She is getting it! She is ONE, and she is understanding that we pray first before eating. I am so proud of her!

As I type, I hear in the background, "Wanna smell my breath?" hehehe How can I not be thrilled with what I do everyday? This is so much fun!!

Church and lazy afternoons

We tried Glen Meadows. To those of you wondering. I am not sure that we expected. Really, I am not. But I did NOT expect my kids to react the way they did. I expected Ellie to cry, because she cries even with people she knows. But not to the extent that she did...And then Faith. Faith was kicking to get her feet locked around Cam's waist and her hands were death gripped around his neck. He had to peel her off screaming and hand her over. That was hard. I cried. I wanted to leave. Gracie didn't even say goodbye. She sat down and started talking to the little girl sitting near her. Miss Social. She loved it! The service was good. Preaching great. Worship a little less than we expected, but good (we shouldn't expect things I think). However, the thing that I have forgotten is how different a large church is from the small one we are used to. There no one really talked to us other than the leadership (door greeters, nursery people, pastor) because they had no idea that we were visitors. Don't get me wrong, it was a friendly church with a welcoming atmosphere, but where we come from, you KNOW who is visiting. It was just different. And it will take getting used to if God puts us in a bigger church. But, I must say, I wanted to run "home" to Veribest. This is hard!!

The afternoon was beyond words beautiful. Me and my favorite girls (Cambry included) stayed outside ALL afternoon. We played in the leaves, cleaned up outside, I read a book. The girls were in a total land of pretend which is quite amusing to listen to. It was relaxing and just perfect. Cambry played photographer and took all sorts of pictures...I am trying to get a picture of the girls chasing one another for my blog header, but I am beginning to think that will be impossible...so I will put a dozen or more photos on here for your enjoyment. And I won't put them on a slideshow so that you can browse quickly...but I don't want to hear a word about how I put too many!! :) And if you want to them in their entirety (because really, there are too many to put here) go to my MySpace and click on pics under the picture of me. They are in the one called leaves...

New Sunday

Today is our first Sunday of trying out churches. We decided to go to Glen Meadows. It is 9:48 as I sit here, and it feels sooooo weird. We are usually out of the house by 7:30. We have made beds, had breakfast, curled hair, danced, played, read the paper, and now blogged. It is just crazy! Relaxing. Perhaps the way a Sabbath should be...

Last night, I went out with a new girlfriend. Our first "date". hehehe. It was so nice to be out of the house away from the stress of life and the neediness of children. And away from my husband :). However, after watching the love story play out, I began to miss my husband so badly. I was thinking of kisssing him every. single. time. the lady kissed someone. It is so neat to see how 2 hours away makes such a HUGE difference in my attitude. I am very grateful for the invite from Ash, and very thankful for the amazing husband I have who had the girls bathed, in bed, and the dishes done when I got home. I just love him so much!! Now if I can just get him to make some decisions... lol :)

Attitude

I have been asked how I am faring with all the major changes in my life, so I thought I would answer everybody at once...

I luckily was in the middle of a Bible Study on Stress and Worry. God knew what was coming. I am at peace. I KNOW He will provide. I have faith that Cameron will be successful in real estate. Frankly, he has the perfect personality for it. And he is fantastic at sales. I love love love that we get to move into the country. That I get to grow a garden and have some animals. That I get to stay home and be still. I am so very excited. And I also know that He will lead us to a new church family that loves us. It is a journey I am ready to travel on. I look forward to it all. It will be awesome to watch as God unfolds His plan for this new chapter in our life. And, really. I am calm. I am peaceful. I am happy. This will be fun!

Ear Infection? Are you sure?

Faith has an ear infection. Apparently it is BAD. According the doctor anyway. This is the second ear infection we have ever experienced in this household. She never had fever. She didn't complain. I took her in because of a sinus infection (which is a first around here). So now she is on antibiotics. And she has been asleep for over 2 hours. Perhaps 3. She was awake most of the night it seemed with hurting feet. She was crying for us to rub her feet, and when we stopped she would awaken and grab her feet crying. Sad.

And on top of that. Just because I had an OBGyn appt today, my visitor arrived last night. What are the odds that after 4 years of nothing, I have the visitor at the worst possible moment?!! And let me tell you, I prefer pregnancy to this pain. Yuck.

Oh. One more thing. I am mostly certain we are moving, but not positive. To Water Valley. It isn't far and the house is great. The land is even better. I will give you more details when I get them. And Cameron will be selling real estate mostly full time. So if you need to buy or sell a house or know someone else who needs either of those, think of us. Seriously.

And really, I am not sure much else could change around here. Church, job (kind of), and house. At least there won't be another baby!! hehehe Although I didn't tell Cam I had a doctors appt, so last night when I told him (before the visitor), he asked me why I was going. I calmly told him, "for my first prenatal visit". He didn't think it was funny. I, on the other hand, about died.

Changes

Cameron resigned his position at church. We have been praying on this for some time and just really felt that God was ready for us to leave. It was so hard. I barely made it through worship this morning before I lost my composure. I sat on the back pew and cried like a baby. We have been there for 5 years. I have known the church family for over 10 years. I didn't expect it to be easy. I am not that naive, but I just didn't think it would hit me as hard as it did this morning...

So now we have to face the daunting task of finding a new church family to join. There is some excitement and a lot of fear. But God will lead us. I know this. He has it all in His control.

And she is WEANED!!!!!

Ellie has not nursed since Wednesday. She spent the night with my parents last night for her first ever night away from me. I think she did better than I did. I did buy some nice new non-snap open in the front bras. With some cheetah print. Rarghhhhh hehehehe. From Victorias Secret. So that eases the bittersweetness of no longer having a "baby" baby. It seems like once we put her in her crib for the night (3 weeks now!!), she kind of lost interest in nursing so much. So it wasn't a shock to either of us. I am not, nor did I ever get, engorged. In fact, I never even felt full. So it was easy. Physically. Emotionally. Well, that is another story. I am a basket case. Crying all the time...still no visitor. It has to come soon. I mean, seriously. So, anyway. I just wanted you all to know that Ellie is no longer breastfed. And the freedom feels great!!!!!!

Gracie's First Tooth!

On Sunday, at church, Gracie's uncle Bubba (my brother), pulled her very first loose tooth. She had previously told me that she had to lose her tooth at church, because she wanted Cambry to see it, and the tooth fairy would take it before Cambry saw it if she didn't lose it at church. So, at her request, he yanked it out. She just grinned like crazy. While I stood by trying so hard not to cry. No one told me how emotional it would be for your oldest baby to lose a tooth! It was a HUGE milestone. And I don't like them growing up!

Quick Note

I have about 5 minutes before I must leave for work, so I wanted to share.

Gracie spent the night with Cambry Monday night, and when she came home she was a basket of emotions. She is just the sweetest little girl though. So she did whatever I asked while trying her best not to cry. After her bath (and after she let Cambry wear her brand new pajamas that she really wanted to wear herself), I grabbed her and held on tight and whispered to her how proud I was of her, and how she was behaving exactly the Jesus would want her to. And how I was so lucky to have her for a daughter. And you know what she did? She tucked her face into my neck and cried. She smiled and told me she loved me. I, of course, started to cry. Is this what Jesus does when we thank Him. Does he become overrun with emotion? I tell Gracie all the time that I love her and I thank her and praise her. But this was different. I shut the door on the other kids and had just her in the quiet of the bathroom. Maybe we should try that with our Jesus. Shut the door and whisper praise to Him. Let Him see our hearts while we are quiet...

Another Clarification

Is that spelled right? It just looks wrong...

Yes. Cameron had a vasectomy a year ago. But I have come to believe that God is bigger than those, and since there have been cases of failures or pregnancy afterwards...and since Cam only did one follow up, not TWO...anything is possible.

Update and Clarification

Okay. Ashley and Summer...Yes. I did say I want another baby. It is very recent that the desire has completely left me. And I mean completely. It is so weird. I thought it was the saddest thing to think about this being all. But, now, I see where my family is complete. Don't get me wrong. If God decided to bless us with another one, I would welcome him/her gladly. But I wouldn't choose that necessarily. And yes. Gracie is praying for a brother. So is Faith...

Now to Summer. You are not dumb. I don't know every month that I am not pregnant. I didn't think it was possible breastfeeding (naive. I know.) until oops! the stick showed me two lines after Faith. I just know that generally I don't have a period for about year if I nurse the whole year. So now that the year has come and gone, I am getting antsy. And the cramping. I cramp with pregnancies. Severely. I also have some spotting. And all those other symtpoms I listed. But cramps come with visitors too. So it could go either way.

Update: I did take a test. And it was negative. Yay! However, it was a cheapo from Dollar Tree and it could be early. But I am just trusting the negative. It isn't often that I get negative results you know...

Symptoms

Just throwing some stuff I'm feeling out there to ya...

• cramping
• emotional highs at all times (I tear up over everything)
• frequent urination--including middle of the night
• nightmares
• increased discharge (gross. I know.)

Now, I NEED to have these things mean that I will start my period soon. It has been...almost 4 years since I have had one (breasfeeding and pregnancies). I do not remember what it feels like before the visitor comes. I do not remember anything about it. I do, however, remember the symptoms of being pregnant. And these all fit that bill. I WILL have a visitor. And it will NOT be another little child. But I am freaking out a little bit. Or a lot...

My Agenda

I start work tomorrow. I end work next Thurday. One of our church members owns a local college bookstore and asks me to work during Rush twice a year. So it starts tomorrow. At 10am. I get off at 3. It is pretty fun work! I get to talk to adults and sell things and work a register and talk to adults. hehehe. My mom watches my girls during this week of work, and when it is all said and done, I give her money and we usually go on a shopping trip. But the thing I love most about it is that it makes me appreciate so much that I get to stay home. So often I take for granted that I have time during the day to do laundry, clean, prepare meals, play with my babies. And this week of reality lets me see what it would be like to work outside the home. And it isn't easy. So to all you mothers who work outside the home.....Go you!! You are amazing women and deserve a great big pat on the back. And a vacation. :)

Parade of Photos

Baby Zakry (Shanna was changing his diaper. And that is the only time I have seen him cry. He just sleeps...and poops.)

Campie--Caden's new puppy

Zak again. But these were taken a week ago, and he has changed SO much!

Random picture of Faith as we were driving to church. Just thought it was funny...

Isn't he cute? This is Ellie's betrothed...


Gracie riding on Cupcake Cake Orange Williams (Aryna's new pony that she named)

Aryna and Wyatt on their pony.

Sniff Sniff

Do you ever have those days that the tears flow without reason? You do everything in your power to make them stop, but they come anyway. I had a big upset this afternoon and called to be open and honest with the one who hurt me like an adult instead of sulking like a child (which is MUCH easier and what I kinda wish I had done). I had no tears threatening while dialing. But as soon as the hello was heard, the faucet started to leak. Then pour. And the conversation didn't go well. Somehow or another, it came down to if I would be nicer, then all this could have been avoided. But I am a woman. And, lets face it, women can be catty, and we say things we don't really mean just because we are upset. And members of the opposite sex should know this. They should expect this. And they should forgive the mishaps and move on. Not store them for later retaliation. So it was my fault. And the tears just kept coming. Then Cam knocked over my soda and that was my fault too because I didn't put it in the right place. But it was MY car, and I knew it was there and that is where I could reach while trying to buckle in Ellie. So I cried some more. Over spilled coke. He promptly apologized though. It was a reaction on his part because he didn't mean to spill it. And I was never upset at him. Just in general I guess. It is just one of those days...

Lazy Afternoons

I am sitting here smelling the wonderfully sweet and cozy smell of cookies (Yankee candle) while wishing that my feet were warm and listening to The Suite Life behind me and Faith speaking spanish to Dora in the other room. Ellile is wandering back and forth with a face covered in chocolate after finding and licking the wrapper of a peppermint ice cream sandwich. I do not have to worry about finding her standing on top of the bar any longer, because, once again, we have assembled the baby gate covering the dining entrance. It isn't pretty, but the functionality of it is a life saver. I am pondering the design aspects of my bedroom wishing for bedding that I will probably never get. I am not sure why we have so much time today to sit and do nothing. We had two days of school, picked up the house, went to lunch, rented and watched a movie, and went to the library. I am finally to the point where it is a pleasure to go out to lunch with just me and my girls. Other than not having adult conversation. And having people look at me with pity because I am alone with three young daughters. But I love it. I love that we talk. About anything. And about nothing. I love to listen to Gracie and Faith interact and be girls. I count myself so incredibly lucky to be able to raise little girls and be a part of the silliness, moodiness, dingy-ness, girl talk, and sister love that I never had. It is so much fun! I hate it more than anything when people tell me that it may be fun now, but just wait...it is going to be horrible when they are teenagers. Or when they say, "don't you wish you had a boy?", or, my favorite, "Ohhhhhhhh 3 girls. I'm sorry". WHY? Why must everyone think that it will be horrible? Especially those people who have never had three daughters close together. Or those with no daughters at all. They have no reason to think that way. Other than their own stupidity. But, ummm....HOW did I go off on that? hehehe sorry. Must have wanted to come out. Really, what I meant to say, was I am thankful. I love my life. I love my girls. I love my husband. And I love lazy afternoons.

Sleeping Beauty

Ellie has slept in her crib, all night, without nursing, since Friday night!!! Cameron and I made a mutual decision (after many tears and silent treatments from me during our date last Friday night due to lack of communication) to work on getting her to sleep in her room at night instead of focusing on her not nursing during the day. It seems that when she didn't eat during the day, she nursed ALL NIGHT. So, it was decided that Cam would put her to bed and get up with her in the night. She didn't like it Friday night. She cried. A LOT. But that was the last time. From Saturday on, she has not even woken up to cry in the night. And she isn't awakening from her beauty slumber until 7 or 8 in the morning. However, she flipped flopped and started throwing fits all day to nurse. And by fits I mean, she throws herself on the floor and goes limp screaming. Fits. The other two never did that. Scary. Hope it isn't a mean preview of the terrible twos. She does have a temper. A red headed temper. Which would be better if she had the beautiful hair to go with it, but she doesn't. So we will see. Anywho, the fit throwing lasted through Sunday. Then, on Monday, I guess she decided she was adjusted to life with the boob only three times a day (morning, naptime, and bedtime). And I am adjusting with her. Loving it actually. And I didn't think I would. But the freedom is amazing, and the nights are better than that!! So, the road to weaning is now getting shorter. We are almost there!!