My Stomach Rested in my Throat...

There is a battle going on in my heart. Cameron has asked that I be finished nursing Ellie by February. She will be 14 months old. I have always had the cut-off date in my mind to be one year. But this baby is different. She doesn't take a pacifier or a bottle. She hates milk (until she tryed my vanilla latte and has decided she likes coffee flavored milk!). She wants to nurse every other hour. And the nights. Oh the nights. She nurses ALL night long. So, I thought the best course of action was to not let her nurse during the day. She has been making it until about 1:30. However, she is staying up allnight nursing. So last night, after two nights of virtually no sleep, I decided she was going to sleep in her crib. Which means she was going to cry. A LOT. It was also decided that Cam would get up with her during the night so that I didn't cave. Last night was the first. He put her in her room and she screamed for almost an hour before I went in there and sang her to sleep. This was about midnight. As I lay in my bed, with my stomach in my throat, I whisper to Cam, "I am afraid she is going to die." And that about sums up what I was feeling inside. The tears started to roll down my cheeks and I battled with trusting God to let her live. I KNOW He will take care of her. What I don't know is whether He will choose to let me help, or do it Himself in heaven. So it scares me. I couldn't sleep. Cameron put his warm hands on my cheeks and prayed. He prayed that all of our sweet girls will be safe. He prayed for peace. And my Jesus answered almost immediately. I dried my face and trusting that I would hear blessed cries in just a few short hours, I fell asleep.
She woke up at some point, and when I nudged Cameron, he got up and put her back to sleep. Then around 5, she woke up again. So I went and got her and she came to nurse and sleep with me. So I had five hours of almost uninterrupted sleep!! And we overcame a hurdle. A huge one.